The Council


Agent Elrond

Once upon a time, there was a Professor. And this Professor had a great interest in mythology and languages. While pursuing these interests, he decided to write a story. And thus he became the Father of Modern Fantasy Fiction. His name, of course, was J.R.R. Tolkien.

And then a live-action movie was made of the first part of this tale, and it was filled with handsome actors, and the fangirls did drool.

But the fangirls were also quite wacky, and among themselves encouraged one another's strange ideas. One night, a fangirl called Alisha (who was, in fact, me) wrote those five infamous words: "I just had an Idea."

Another fangirl, called Bri, saw these words, and learned of the Idea. Together, they brainstormed the Idea, and devised a Plan. And the Plan was this: To re-write part of the story, replacing the inhabitants of Middle-earth with other characters the actors in those roles had played.

And the fangirls came together, several of them, and volunteered to write on behalf of these misplaced characters:

Abbi replaced Sean Bean's Boromir with sexy Maj. Sharpe from the "Sharpe" series.

Alisha (still me) replaced Sean Astin's Sam Gamgee with sweet li'l Mikey from "The Goonies."

Bonnie replaced Orlando Bloom's Legolas with Army Ranger Pvt. Todd Blackburn from "Black Hawk Down." (I thought Aragorn was the Ranger?)

Bridget replaced Ian McKellen's Gandalf with powerful Magneto from "The X-Men."

She also replaced Christopher Lee's Saruman with a number of Lee's roles, including the most frightening "Dracula."

Erin replaced Hugo Weaving's Elrond with unfriendly Agent Smith from "The Matrix."

Zea replaced Frodo Baggins with Elijah Wood's spooked Casey from "The Faculty"...

...and Dominic Monaghan's Merry Brandybuck with hapless Jimmy Furey from "The Yorkshire Ripper"...

...and Billy Boyd's Pippin Took with ... Billy Boyd!

Shinigami replaced Viggo Mortensen's Aragorn with alcoholic Eddie Boon in "28 Days."

Kelly replaced John Rhys-Davies' Gimli with talkative Sallah from "Raiders of the Lost Ark."

And I took on one more role: The One Ring.
(I'm also a Deus ex Machina, but I don't have a picture.)

And the Fudge Nazi
joined our story
as Himself.

Proceed to the story!

(To find out where I stole ... er, borrowed these pictures from, click 'em.)

A note about copyright: We do not have the permission of the Tolkien estate. We do not have the permission of anyone associated with "Sharpe," "The Goonies," "Black Hawk Down," "The X-Men," "Dracula," "The Matrix," "Ice Storm," "Raiders of the Lost Ark," "28 Days," "The Yorkshire Ripper," Billy Boyd or "From Hell." We don't even have permission from anyone associated with "Seinfeld" for ripping off the Soup Nazi.

All we do have is the knowlege that parodies sometimes fall under the category of protected speech ...

We created this parody, silly though it may be, with the utmost respect for Professor Tolkien and all these characters. It falls into the category of "teasing someone 'cause you really, really like them."