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The
Council
of
Agent
Elrond
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Once upon a time,
there was a Professor. And this Professor had a great
interest in mythology and languages. While pursuing these
interests, he decided to write a story. And thus he became
the Father of Modern Fantasy Fiction. His name, of course,
was J.R.R. Tolkien.
And then a live-action
movie was made of the first part of this tale, and it was
filled with handsome actors, and the fangirls did
drool.
But the fangirls were
also quite wacky, and among themselves encouraged one
another's strange ideas. One night, a fangirl called Alisha
(who was, in fact, me) wrote those five infamous words: "I
just had an Idea."
Another fangirl,
called Bri, saw these words, and learned of the Idea.
Together, they brainstormed the Idea, and devised a Plan.
And the Plan was this: To re-write part of the story,
replacing the inhabitants of Middle-earth with other
characters the actors in those roles had played.
And the fangirls came
together, several of them, and volunteered to write on
behalf of these misplaced characters:
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Abbi replaced
Sean Bean's Boromir with sexy Maj. Sharpe from the
"Sharpe" series.
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Alisha (still
me) replaced Sean Astin's Sam Gamgee with sweet
li'l Mikey from "The Goonies."
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Bonnie
replaced Orlando Bloom's Legolas with Army Ranger
Pvt. Todd Blackburn from "Black Hawk Down." (I
thought Aragorn was the Ranger?)
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Bridget
replaced Ian McKellen's Gandalf with powerful
Magneto from "The X-Men."
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She
also replaced Christopher Lee's Saruman with a
number of Lee's roles, including the most
frightening "Dracula."
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Erin
replaced Hugo Weaving's Elrond with unfriendly
Agent Smith from "The Matrix."
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Zea replaced
Frodo Baggins with Elijah Wood's spooked Casey from
"The Faculty"...
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...and
Dominic Monaghan's Merry Brandybuck with hapless
Jimmy Furey from "The Yorkshire Ripper"...
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...and Billy
Boyd's Pippin Took with ... Billy Boyd!
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Shinigami
replaced Viggo Mortensen's Aragorn with alcoholic
Eddie Boon in "28 Days."
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Kelly
replaced John Rhys-Davies' Gimli with talkative
Sallah from "Raiders of the Lost Ark."
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And
I took on one more role: The One Ring.
(I'm also a Deus ex Machina, but I don't have a
picture.)
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(To find out where I stole ... er, borrowed these
pictures from, click 'em.)
A note about
copyright: We do not have the permission of the Tolkien
estate. We do not have the permission of anyone associated
with "Sharpe," "The Goonies," "Black Hawk Down," "The
X-Men," "Dracula," "The Matrix," "Ice Storm," "Raiders of
the Lost Ark," "28 Days," "The Yorkshire Ripper," Billy Boyd
or "From Hell." We don't even have permission from anyone
associated with "Seinfeld" for ripping off the Soup
Nazi.
All we do have
is the knowlege that parodies sometimes fall under the
category of protected speech ...
We created this
parody, silly though it may be, with the utmost respect for
Professor Tolkien and all these characters. It falls into
the category of "teasing someone 'cause you really, really
like them."
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